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(v1)
last night i found myself in a spiral,
followed down my dinner to the sewer,
and when i look into the mirror i don’t see her,
threw out all my short sleeves and pretty skirts,
can you see through the cracks i tried to cover up,
i think the mania’s becoming too much,
and there aren’t enough bandaids to cover the cuts,
(v2)
i read about it in the books and in the songs,
but i think they’ve all got it wrong,
and in class today,
they said your mind can be a fucked up place,
realised i’ve become a victim to my own brain,
they dropped the act of i can fix her,
deleted all of my old pictures,
messed up all my shoes,
and now i’m walking,
barefoot in the park,
i don’t remember,
how i got here in the first place,
(v3)
i’ve become obsessed with how it hurts me,
been taking happy pills for two months now,
at least i’ll remember my name before the comedown,
and feel like myself without a blackout,
been saying yes instead of no so he’ll love me,
been dressing up pretty, i still hate me,
and when i called my therapist she just told me,
maybe it’s time we up the doses,
hung up the telephone and never called back,
(4)
been writing lyrics i don’t relate to,
and melodies that don’t really sound right,
but if it could change my mind about dying,
then i don’t think i should stop trying,
my teachers don’t think i come to school enough,
they want to kick me out i said i don’t mind,
cause i’ll be up on stage in a few years,
and they’ll still be sitting on too small chairs
© Sonia Mian 2022
EN-EU
DE-EU
