Addie Larue.

(Syed Sarmad)

This writing piece explores the human psyche, it's contradictory, confusing and infuriating need to want something, but also be too afraid to grab it, even when it's right in the palm of your hand. It speaks of loss, and regrets so visceral one can hardly believe it, but, through it all, knowing that if you had a second chance, you wouldn't change a thing about how it all played out.

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You met me when I had, 
My feet upon two different thresholds, 
Two clocks, two worlds, 
Drowin' in my sadness, looking to and fro, 
Past and future, 
My regrets and my fears, 
I never did learn to live in the moment, 
I never learnt to take it as it comes

You told me you thought you loved me, 
And I was like, "God, I fucking love you", 
But I, I never followed through, 
Because what I loved most was the moon

And it's such a funny thing, the human psyche, 
We're so instilled with want all the time, 
But we're so afraid to take, 
Even when it says "I'm yours", 
We don't keep it when it says, 
"I'm yours, I'm yours, make me yours", 
But, god, do we miss it when it's gone? 

You used to tell me I had, 
Honesty, ferocity, integrity
You said I was a thing of beauty, 
And I was thinkin' how sweet it is, 
To admire, and be admired in return, 
I was rough 'round the edges, 
I turned away from what I saw in the mirror, 
But, darling, you made it all easier to bear, 
And I miss that feeling

You told me you thought you loved me, 
And I was like, "God, I fucking love you", 
But I, I never followed through, 
Because what I loved most was the dark, 
And my own perpetual gloom

And it's such a funny thing, the human psyche, 
We're so instilled with want all the time, 
But we're so afraid to take, 
Even when it says "I'm yours", 
We don't keep it when it says, 
"I'm yours, I'm yours, make me yours", 
Then, god, why do we miss it when it's gone? 

I don't want to turn back time, 
I can see the way you smile, 
Brighter than the all daffodils you like, 
It's so pretty, 
It's so pretty, 
So, so pretty, 
I've never seen anything more pretty

And it's such a funny thing, my own damn psyche, 
I'm so instilled with want all the time, 
But I'm so afraid to take, 
Even when it says "I'm yours", 
I don't keep it when it says, 
"I'm yours, I'm yours, make me yours", 
Then, god, why do I miss it when it's gone? 

I want you, I want you happy, 
There was a dream, you and I, 
Hallmark kinda vibe, 
Tattoo my touch on your skin, 
But it's alright, 
You can be happy, 
And I'll be Addie Larue, 
Starin' at the moon, 
Hopin' to forget you too
© Syed Sarmad 2023