The Lonely War

(Jay Egan)

War can turn an innocent child into a fearless killing machine, and it takes little time when they are thrown into a war that had nothing to do with them. This is more a story than a song, but with the right instrumentation could become a timeless allegory on the perils of war.

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The guns go off at night 
Echoing inside my mind 
Before I’m off to war 
Could it be a sign? 
That I shouldn’t go there  
This fight I do not own 
Why should I even care? 
Will it ever reach my home? 
 
I live so far away 
Yet I was set up in their sights 
My life was mine to live 
But now in death I’ll be in lights 
It’s not that I had chased 
The hidden spectre over me 
I didn’t feel the need 
To die with little dignity 
 
On the bus I became worried about what I’m yet to see 
On the train I became scared of the changes yet to be 
On the plane my mind was clouded by my loved ones left at home 
When I hit the ground I’d never felt like I was so alone… so alone 
 
Why did they call me up? 
I had only just left school 
I had a life to live 
I wasn’t one to act the fool 
They said to fight for liberty 
And justice we must find 
We’ll keep you safe, our mantra is 
No one is left behind 
 
That set my mind at ease 
At least my worries were half mast 
Until I felt the power 
Of a rocket flying past 
The culminating boom  
As body parts rained down on me 
Happened all too soon 
Drowning in blood wasn’t my destiny… 
  
I know I couldn’t show it 
How scared I was inside 
But I was there to fight 
No-one here gets a free ride 
I held on to my weapon 
And took the deepest breath 
With my finger on the trigger 
I sent two men to their death 
 
I finally did the deed and so now how do I feel 
It’s not like it’s on TV it’s all bloody and surreal 
The smell alone, it makes you sick, there is no sex appeal 
The difference between life and death is only made of steel 
 
I wasn’t alone like before 
I’m not who I was anymore 
My gun was my new best friend 
How many lives could I possibly end? 
I’m not afraid and with a hardened core 
With my brothers we like keeping score 
How many rats we send down the drain 
How many people can we cause pain… and we caused pain 
 
My world is now a hellhole and I’m making it my home 
Made out of the bodies I collected as I roam 
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© Jay Egan 2019