Hate

(Clairine T.)

Relationships between friends, family, and lovers aren't always based on love. Sometimes they are based on the strongest emotion that the two people feel when they're together, and despite how out of place that feeling may seem, it is often the only thing that keeps their relationship stable and intact-- even convincing them to stay in a stalemate forever due to how strong that emotion is in comparison to the one in all their other relationships.

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Dawn came too soon It's lonely without sleep to drag you by Ten days ago already feels like a distant dream I'm tired all the time But I'm not the type to drag on conversations I'll keep it a secret for now So I won't have to answer questions For a while I'd rather you think of me As selfish and lazy Than as someone who's angry and sad all the time It's hard to keep this front When you keep asking and asking Hoping you'll find something You could change about me The little things matter the most to me But every little thing about me You want them to change When I wanted nothing more than sleep I'll be quieter than usual You don't like me that way But still no words come to mind Maybe we'll be closer if I tell you everything But then your questions will change to demands And I'll be stuck in your cage again It's a cycle that'll never end We're two people that should never have met We're too stubborn We hold endless grudges For each other's past mistakes In the end It has all come down to hate Personal space used to mean something But when you're uncommon or too strange The world ignores your needs I make friends that'll never stay Talk with you once a day Because I loved every minute with you But I always need a break You can see my worries beneath my eyes You can see it in the way I smile I'm not doing anything to fix them Hoping that someone-- that you'll notice them I don't regret who I am But sometimes, I know I need help You say you'll be happy as long as I'm independent I'm already doing all the things you asked for me But can is not the same as doing it like you So I shut my mouth, and hear your lectures Hoping that at those moments you can read my mind To give me a moment of peace So our tiring cycle won't start again We hurt each other where it hurts the most You need conversations, debates, respect from everyone you meet I need quiet, silence, a friend with me If it were other people We won't be asking that much But we found each other I guess it's just our luck In the end Hate is all that's growing We're greedy, we're selfish We're sad, but happiness is not something We could give to one another We're children crying for attention Crying for adulthood to come And make us stronger But here we are, the same as ever With hate as our bond Hate, a feeling only adults have gone through Is that the only thing we've gained After years of growing up Looking for another childhood within one another We bring out the children in us In all the worse ways possible But everytime I think of leaving I felt myself standing still Needing to stay Because if I leave No one will have a deeper bond With me than you So in the end I don't want to abandon this hate In your eyes I could see you feel the same way Your madness overtakes you Then you pull me back Begging me to stay It's not love, it's not a pure kind of feeling It's just hate Our hate But it's stronger than anything else possible

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