Last Note

(Steven Mailer)

An emotional piece from the POV of a creative celebrity who struggles to find himself in his work anymore. His relationship falls apart as it's based more on what he can do and not who he is. This song is his signing out of life. Stepping away from love, his career and everything else to see if he can find himself in anonymity. Killing the past to make a new future.

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Every little part of me says that this is not the way but every single time I wait I go a little more insane now I’m grasping through the glare to take away the pain. Give it all to get a second from the rigor of these chains! Floating through the moments, no longer recognize the days. Devoting all to chase atonement for my self-destructive ways. I’m hoarding all your love like it’s going out of fashion. Save plenty for yourself but all I’m getting are rations. So tell me of my mission, is it right to seek compassion? I want to find the light but I can feel my system crashing! Bones to the wall Skin sagging off my frame Dead to all the world Who’ve glamourised my name Taken what I’ve offered But I’m lonely just the same A tree who’s given branches Just to fetishise the pain! Every single part of me, says that you are not the same. I really wanna listen but then who would play your game? Now that you’ve departed me I’m drowning in the shame of everything I gave to you to only get the blame! Bleeding in the dark, I don’t know where it ends Running down my arms as I lie to my friends. I remember when the light wasn’t just a mask! When the laughter in my voice wasn’t far too much to ask! I remember when the sun could penetrate my haze I remember all the laps I’ve run To get away from better days! Bones to the wall. Skin sagging off my frame. Dead to all the world. Who’ve glamourised my name. Taken what I’ve offered but I’m lonely just the same! A tree who’s given branches just to fetishise the pain! I don’t think I’m meant to live this way I don’t think I’m meant to live this way Try to do it any longer I might go insane I don’t think I’m meant to live this way I don’t think I’m meant to live this way Try to do it any longer I might go insane This is the last note that I’ll stand to say, I’m sorry for all of the pain I create we all live to suffer and I wanna stay but these moments are broken and cut like a blade! So here is the closing that I’ll let you keep The words that I’ve chosen To sing you to sleep. This is the last note that I’ll sign with a tear, This is the mic drop To a damn fine career.

© Steven Mailer 2020

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