Spit roast hog

(Alan Evans)

A redneck fails to leave the bar to go home for dinner so his wife brings it to him, together with a beating.

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I was standing at the bar
Didn't know she could throw my dinner that far
Just missed my head and hit the wall
It's a good job I ain't that tall

Grabbed my arm dragged me across the floor
Swung me right into that big old door
Rolled right through into the street
Took a bruising from her feet 

Heard the whispers from the crowd
A guy at the back shouted out loud
Her heads bigger than a spit roast hog
And she's more vicious than a junkyard dog

I was thinking what the heck
When I felt her arms around my neck
A big right hand broke my nose
I Felt it right down to my toes

Anymore I thought I'd be dead 
When I remembered what that guy had said
Her heads bigger than a spit roast hog
And she's more vicious than a junkyard dog

I would have laughed but for the pain
And the fact that she's insane
She looked for the guy who shouted loud
He'd disappeared into the crowd

Lucky S.O.B. wish it was me 
As I tried to struggle free
A voice in the distance shouted hey spit roast hog
You're more vicious than a junkyard dog.
© Alan Evans 2018